Dear peoples living around my house,
I’m a cat. I know, I threw that surprise on you and I’m sorry about that. But as a cat, and for cats in general, we like things nice and simple – food, a warm, safe spot to nap, the occasional bout of attention. Personally, I like my attention at four in the morning and during the one p.m. timeframe. That could just be me, but it works so I’m running with it.
I know you probably hadn’t noticed in all your years, but cats don’t tend to like loud noises. Garbage trucks, chain saws, yelling neighbors, don’t even get me started on the grating sound of our closet door opening and closing when Mom gets out a PTU for a trip to you know where… Pretty much, loud sounds are right out in our book.
I want to talk about this time of year, specifically, those loud and bright boomie things you seem to be so enamored with every July 4th. And July 3rd. And July 1st. And the end of June, and pretty much every few days all the way up until September 16th or thereabouts. These things are really loud. Did you hear me? Can you hear me? That’s not ringing in your ears. That’s me, a cat who would love nothing more than to enjoy an entire summer without needing to hide under the bed every time you get the itch to blow up a bunch of paper and explosive powder from China, bought with good, hard earned money. Did you really mean to blow up your green papers? You know that’s what you’re doing, right? BOOM! Good-bye hard earned green papers. Hmmm, that sure didn’t last long.
I might be going out on a limb here but just imagine: A nice quiet day celebrating a national holiday with family and friends, barbequing this and that, followed by a big round of mutual pride of this country and all that was fought for, a salute, a hand over heart, hugs all around, singing ’cause singing is okay, and all accomplished without terrifying pets, small children, and other nice people who don’t like those boomies either. (Though, truth be told, my Mom’s singing would frighten just about anyone. Trust me.)
Can you see it? Can you imagine how much more love would be in the air if we cats weren’t being traumatized every 4th of July (and all those other days when you insist on celebrating something else, anything else)?
I know, I know. You’ll say lighting off fireworks is American, not doing so is un-American. I understand….
Okay, that was a downright fib. No, I don’t understand any more than I understand why those things have to be so darn loud. Couldn’t they just be really, really pretty? Do they have to scare the whiskers off us too? I don’t expect you to understand my position anymore than I understand yours. But if you want to talk about it someday (you will want to discuss this someday, right?), I’ll be under the bed with my sisters and brother and oh look! Mom is under here hiding too because she doesn’t like those boomie things either.
Think about it, okay? Just for one second?